A path forward

Holy shit. Yesterday was an incredible day. 

It was the deadline for her to sign a  lease on a new place  this was the fork in the road.

The night before, we had a dinner out and some very deep conversation. It felt really great. My sister in law’s visit made us feel like our connection was better than ever. We talked about possibly giving it all another try. We talked late into the night. I said I wanted to give it one last try. 

But that wasn’t how I felt. 

That was the fear I’ve let guide me over the past decade talking. That was me being too afraid to admit I’m not happy. That was me protecting her when she wasn’t asking for it, or even needing it. 

I woke up with a clear head and felt tightness in my chest. 

All morning I wanted to talk to her, to see what she was thinking. I wanted to say I thought we should still separate, but was afraid to bring it up. 

We talked. She felt exactly the same. 

Waterfall of happy tears. Relief. Optimism. 

We are still in this together. We just know we need to go our separate ways. 

This will be a long painful road. 

But the street lamps have begun to flicker on.