July 6
It has been a long time since my last post. Lots of different thoughts and feelings over the past week or so. It has been both smooth and rough. Work has been pretty tough. My focus and motivation are very low right now. My therapist says that is very expected. Everything I’ve read seems to concur that this is normal. ChatGPT says this is nervous system dysregulation. That sounds like how I feel. I think it’s important to look back. I spent years, literally years, feeling somewhat stressed out around C. [editors note: I already feel guilt and the need to stick up for her. That’s not needed here]. Her anxiety and depression was at times a dark cloud in my life. I would come over excited to see her, then feel that pang of stress when I realized she was in a bad spot. My gut was in some degree of a knot most of the time. Car rides to the mall were stressful. I just felt uneasy so often. I think I have basically contorted myself, my life, to fit around wh...